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Selfishness

Today I've found out something about the yuvas.  Two things which I won't tell.  At first I was reacting inside and was starting to wonder what can I do to help.  Then I feel it's about time to surrender to Shri Mataji and let go.  Some things I can help, but some things I should learn to let the Divine do it.  Am I being selfish?  Some will say yes.  But I feel it's not good for my ego if I do intervene.  Because in the end, I am not the doer and enjoyer.

Anyway, I need help myself.  This victim mode thingy, it's just been 2 days.  I feel I am better at handling some things, like keep reminding myself that hey, look out, you are going back there. 

Anyway, I think a lot.  Too much.  Someone said I think for the entire world.  It's true.  It's something I am still learning to stop.  Sometimes I feel I think so much until it is tiresome for the others.  I analysed and judged others too quickly and too much.  Sometimes it's not what it is, but I feel it's right because I think it's right.  This is not it.  Now, I am becoming too tired too quickly from overthinking.  

About this victim mode thingy, most people who are in it, always feel what they think is right.  In Sahaj, that's ego.  We want sympathy from others to hear us out.   And if that person doesn't agree with what you think, then we will try to fight it until the end we will say, why I am so stupid? I feel I am not alone in this.  I saw yesterday my family members are like this too.  Maybe that's how I got it too.

I have never heard of this victim mode until Friday.  I didn't know that it is something serious.  I thought it is just temporary.  But it keeps repeating at different times especially when I am unbalance.  This is a huge negativity in the Sahaj point of view.  It makes me do and think differently.  I pray that I can get out of it quickly.

Sometimes I asked, how come now only I realise that I have this when I am already in Sahaj for so many years?  I don't really have a definite answer, but I can say that it is all in Divine time.  Like, I get some clearing in Vashi and then now only I realise this.  For so many years, I didn't get a chance to go to Vashi, so maybe that's why I still don't realised it.  Maybe it's also because I have to go through a few stages to come to this level to know and understand.  Well, I shouldn't think what the Divine has planned.  I will just accept it as it is.

No one should pity people who have victim mode.  It's not good for them.  ow that I know I have this problem, I have researched online and learn something.  Now, if I feel I need to get some things done, then I will just do it and not delay.  Not procrastinate.  Because I tend to think 100 times about what I needed to do before I do it.  It's crazy.  Maybe because I am nervous or forgetful.  But it's not the right way because I get so right sided just thinking about the future, what to do, how to be done and when to do it.  Shri Hanuman's quality is just do things without hesitation.  I will pray for His quality.


I was told that this year of the Tiger, is a good year for a goat like me.  It's already beginning to look good.  More coming.
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