Be your own guru

Since the departure of Shri Mataji in Her physical form, many of my non-yogi friends had asked me, "Who is Her successor?"  No one.  We manage on our own now.

And now that Shri Mataji is not physically around us, many of us has become preachers, saying that whatever they have learned is directly from Shri Mataji and checked vibrations and so they keep on preaching methods and claimed to be from Shri Mataji.  They may have good intentions, but.......let me just say it based on what I have gone through.

Everyone's journey in Sahaja Yoga is different and sometimes we may need to go through some things in order to ascent further.  Here's my own experience:

When I was very new in Sahaj, before I could recognise who Shri Mataji is, I had utmost respect for the then leader.  So much so that whatever he said, I took it to heart.  Sometimes he is very strict and some of his words can be hurtful.  But most of the time, he spoke wisely and truthfully.  Many people went to him for advices and he does insist that we listen to Shri Mataji's talk and only to Her alone, not him.  He loves Shri Mataji very much and kept telling us to surrender to Shri Mataji and be our own guru.  But being new, I treated him as my guru.

After few years in Sahaj, one day, I was very hurt by something he said, which I can't remember now.  Suddenly I realised that the man that I have respected all along, it's only like one of us and he is just a human being like one of us.  I was saddened by this knowledge.  However, during the same time, I began to recognise who Shri Mataji is.  

But I was not satisfied.  I need to follow someone.  Since I was not able to always be with Shri Mataji physically, unlike some of the older yogis who were so fortunate to follow Shri Mataji wherever She went, I felt lost, as if Shri Mataji can't see me, can't feel me, don't know me.  Then again, I was very new and very young.

I was sticking to people, one after another.  I was told that I was not assertive enough.  I was told to be my own guru.  I was told to have my own opinions rather than just be a follower.  Deep inside, I was struggling.  I didn't know what was right and what was wrong.  I didn't trust my vibrations.

Soon, I started staying with some yogis and those were the years that I learned about Sahaja Yoga the most.  It's not only from listening to Shri Mataji, it's also from doing the everyday things, simple things like cleaning Shri Mataji's photo, drinking vibrated water, pluck flowers every morning to offer to Shri Mataji, do aarti every morning and evening.  These things I won't be able to accomplish on my own as I was staying with my family and the only one who meditates in the family.

Indians would be able to know how to do these things, but being Chinese and we don't even pray at home, I didn't even know how to setup an altar.

Then circumstances changed, I went moved back home to live with my non-yogi family members and have to be strong everyday to overcome the challenges and obstacles.  They are not against me practising Sahaja Yoga.  It's just the vibrations were different.  So I began to adapt on my own without following anyone.  Just me and Shri Mataji.

Then when I got married to a Sahaja Yogi, I was very happy that finally, there is someone else who can meditate with me.  Of course, there were also challenges and not everyday is a bed of roses.   But everyday there is something for us to learn.

I can feel vibrations but have always doubted them.  I was not confident enough to stand on my own two feet, although externally, everyone thought I was very capable.  

Then after 23 February 2011, many yogis don't know what to do.  Those who had never met Shri Mataji would want to listen to older yogis who had spent many years with Her.  New yogis were looking and always waiting for news and advices from people with authority, say the doctors at Vashi hospital, family members of Shri Mataji, council members, older yogis who had spent many years with Shri Mataji etc.

Some yogis came out with methods to do self-realization which was disputed by older yogis.  But some of them said the vibrations were good and so they went ahead with it.  Many yogis began to judge others whether they know it or not.  

So many things has changed since that day.  Although Shri Mataji has taught us everything that we needed to know, still there are people out there wanting to be a preacher, with the intention of spreading knowledge without realising that new yogis may just take that person as guru knowingly or unknowingly.  They said they are doing it out of love, or is it their ego?  

But then again, this journey is a never-ending journey.  Some may need to fall in order to stand up again.  Some may need to leave in order to come back again.  Some may need to feel the pain in order to not to repeat the same mistake.  It's all a maya, a play.  So, who are we to say who is right and who is not?  The strong will stay while the meek will not.

Shri Mataji taught us to love and be compassionate.  Shri Mataji taught us to witness and not react.  Shri Mataji taught us to be humble and open hearted.  She taught us to be detached, to be more surrendered.

So, if you do want to listen to me, here's my advice:

1. Read an article a day by Shri Mataji.  Amruta.org is a great source.  Kudos to those who manages it.

2. Watch a video or listen to Shri Mataji's speech on YouTube and Vimeo.  It's freely accessible.  

3. You can also find Sahaja Yoga mantras and bhajans in YouTube with transcripts.  Very easy to follow.  Sing a few bhajans, recite some mantras and meditate.

There will be people out there, yogis and non-yogis who will test your patience and tolerance.  There will be debates by yogis and non-yogis, of what is right or wrong.  Be your own guru and judge yourself, not others.  I would like to emphasise, it's not how many years in Sahaja Yoga that matters, it is how deep you are in Sahaja Yoga that matters.

Don't even listen to me, just listen to yourself and the conversation between you and Shri Mataji.  Only achievable through meditation.