Recognising Shri Mataji


Everyone who comes to Sahaja Yoga has a story to tell. Here's my story :

I received my self-realisation on 8 April 1999. At that time, I don't really bother about Sahaja Yoga. I still went to discos and pubs (although I don't drink). I don't footsoak and don't meditate. I still hanged out with my friends till wee hours in the morning. Life was fun, free to do what I want, no restrictions (I was in college then, rented a place with a few friends).

The turning point of my life came after my cousin sister/best friend passed away in a car accident in 2000. She was a year older than me. She passed away 5 days after my 21st birthday and I didn't get the chance to give her a treat although I have promised her.

I felt very guilty, upset, angry, depressed, sad and lost. The burning question in my head was "Why?". But I feel now, the actual question in my subtle system was "What is life?". I was so angry with God, angry with Shri Mataji even (pulling my ears as I am saying this), and basically I felt so lost in this world. I don't know what to do, who am I, what is my existence, and again why?.

The evening after the cremation was the weekly Sahaj collective meeting. I was so stubborn and basically weak and hurt inside, I told myself, 'Shri Mataji, please give me the answers to all my questions. If I don't get it by tonight, I will leave Sahaja Yoga for good.' Can you believe it? I was threatening Shri Mataji. Well, as I am still in the collective, that means I got my answers. But it was not that night.

Shri Mataji has planned out everything but I was very ignorant to everything that has happened. That night, I was elected as the Assistant Yuva Shakti Leader. Seetha was elected as the leader. It was the first time in Malaysia, an assistant was elected. In previous years, Rueben and Simon were elected as the leaders, but no assistant. I still can remember the whole event. Uncle Ivan announced that Seetha to be the Yuva Shakti Leader and then asked the whole collective whether they agreed, and they all said yes. Then Aunty KT said, since Seetha is studying and working at the same time, she needs someone to help her and she proposed my name. The collective agreed again. I was so shocked. When they called my name, and I was supposed to stand, I was numbed and just sat there. Inside my head, so many questions were going on. "Shri Mataji, I don't want to be assistant, I want answers!!!"

Anyway, I was speechless, don't know what to say. I agreed to take up the responsibilities. I went home that night, questions still unanswered and I cannot leave Sahaja Yoga now because I have new responsibilities. I guess this is the way Shri Mataji kept me in the collective because She knows that I cannot say no to responsibilities.

From then on, every Saturday night I will attend the collective meditation. But I was still lost, I still don't know what I was doing.

At that time, I keep hearing from Shri Mataji's tapes and books that "You must recognise Me." I was asking myself, what does that mean? I thought to myself, I recognise Shri Mataji. If I see Her anywhere, I know who She is. What does She mean by that? I even looked into the Oxford dictionary to find out. I thought maybe there's another meaning to the word recognise.

One evening, Seetha decided to have a meeting with me in the ashram to discuss about a project. She was staying in the ashram at that time . While waiting for her in her room, I saw a book on her bed and I took it to have a look. It was 'My Memoirs' by Babamama. I was just flipping through the pages, didn't really want to read the whole book, and I stopped at the page in which Babamama was telling how Shri Mataji explained about the creation of the Universe. I read on and suddenly felt a funny feeling inside me, I feel more wise all of a sudden, and can feel like vibrations going up my body. All this while, I was still reading that chapter. Then after finishing that chapter, I felt I know something, but I don't know what exactly. I know I felt more wise. At that very moment, I recognised Shri Mataji. I understand the word recognise. My whole world suddenly has changed. I was not depressed or sad. I feel so joyful for getting my self-realisation. So glad that I am still in Sahaja Yoga. I felt different.

I didn't get all my answers immediately, but my questions were gradually answered. I feel now, that's Shri Mataji's plan. Before She can work anything on me, I have to recognise Her, which is one big step towards our ascent in Sahaja Yoga. From then on, I got out of my guilt slowly. My heart healed as time went by. I become stronger and settled inside. That is the power of Sahaja Yoga and Shri Mataji.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Matka pot treatment - Night 1

Image
I started the matka pot treatment last night.  Been feeling a lot of left agnya catch lately, so thought that it is high time to do a matka pot treatment.  Here is what we need: 7 limes (I heard in Belgium, they used 7 lemons, so the pot that they used is so big and they have a hard time trying to dispose the pot after the 7 nights).  Cut the top of the limes to expose a bit of the flesh. 7 chillies.  Remove the top of the chillies (I don't know what you call, stem or stalk).  I used small chillies so that they can fit into the matka pot. 1 matka pot (here in Malaysia we used claypot that they cooked claypot rice, glazed inside so that it will not leak) Vibrated water So, you put everything into the pot and vibrate in front of Shri Mataji's photo.  Pray that the matka pot will absorb all the catches and negativities.  Then place it on the left side of the bed.  I put it under the bed but you can also put it on a side table on your left side.  Just be carefu
Read more

Information for pregnant Sahaja Yoginis

I have decided to gather all information for pregnant Sahaja Yoginis here.  This is probably not conclusive, so please feel free to add on if you have anymore inputs.  To read more about it, please go to amruta.org.   I guess the experience varies from individual to individual.  But I was very sensitive to vibrations and negativity when I was in my first trimester.  So much so that sometimes I have to do 2-3 times footsoak in a row in order to feel better.  But it gets better in the second trimester. As for havan, I was told that pregnant ladies can attend havan but have to sit far from the fire and don't sit too long.  This was advice by the Vashi doctors.  But my own experience, in which I attended one havan, I didn't feel good after that.  It's just my personal feelings about it as I was ultra-sensitive.  But I read some yoginis wrote that pregnant ladies should not attend havan altogether.  So, it really depends.  I guess you could always check vibrations to find
Read more

Sahaja Yoga has cured me - Part 1

Image
I was reading back my old posts and I realised that I have not posted even once on how Sahaja Yoga has helped me although I keep saying that it has.  How can I forget the miracles that it has brought me and has a big effect on my life. Between 2004-2006 (I forgot exactly which year it happened), one night after my part-time class, I came back late.  I had skipped dinner as I was late for class.  So after class, I just stopped at McD and bought myself some french fries.  I was not hungry anymore.  So I came back home and just drank a glass of cold milk.  I went to sleep after the meal. The next day as usual I went to work.  My stomach was already not feeling so well.  I have lost appetite and again didn't eat proper breakfast and lunch.   I was already tasting sourness in my mouth but I just ignored it.  Then I was going to meet a friend for dinner.  While driving to her place, I drank a lot of water.  That was what triggered the beginning of my nightmare (short nightmare).
Read more