With my memory losing each day, I almost forgot that I have this blog. Kidding.
Happy (belated) Diwali! I didn't forget this blog. Just simply busy with other things.
Just want to share a very special message that came to me during Diwali Puja last week.
Before that, I have been struggling with the catch on the left agnya for couple of weeks now. I tried candling, Raag Bhup for agnya and dhoop-ing the room but nothing works.
The yuvas were in charge of the puja this time. One of them WhatsApp-ed me if I can join one of the ladies to do the ooti. Since I have done few times already this year alone, I told the yuva to please give others a chance. If he really can't find anyone, then I will do it. Another reason of my reluctance was also because I can't fit into my sari blouses anymore and don't have the time to visit a tailor and those that I could fit in are not sent for dry-cleaning yet.
In that excuse, I was thinking, to give others a chance. I always seen the same people doing the same thing. So maybe it's good others get a chance as well. In fact, just the last puja, for Navaratri, I was one of the ladies to decorate Shri Mataji's Lotus Feet. I thought that I was being kind and considerate.
On the day of the puja, the yuva WhatsApp-ed me to inform that he really can't find anyone and I said OK, I will do it.
I managed to find a sari blouse that fits and dressed up for puja. Came ooti time. I have stood in the first place before, centre place before and now would like to stand in the last place, thought to myself. When all of us were on stage, found that there were 8 of us, instead of 7. I quickly did a count and found that I am the No.8 person. Should I know there were already 7, I would not have gone on stage. But since I am already on stage, it wasn't nice to walk off during ooti. In fact, I was feeling embarrased standing there but couldn't move or remove myself.
During the whole process of ooti, the vibrations were very good. Then a realisation came to me. When I rejected to do ooti the first round, Shri Mataji Herself already selected the 7 ladies. Therefore, I wasn't in the list of 7. The yuva did made a mistake and I think he thought the lady who led is not counted as one of the 7. The message kept on coming to me and it was telling me that my left agnya catch, the superego is the one causing me to reject and have the reluctance. That I should quickly clear it out and not let it linger further. That I should shoebeat. That my ego is also the problem, thinking I am so great in giving others a chance.
Then I thought, hmm, I really haven't done shoebeating on this issue.
After the whole ooti, I went down, bow down and thank Shri Mataji for Her guidance. When we are selected to do certain procedures for the puja, Shri Mataji is the one who select us. It may look like the pujari doing it, but in the end, we do nothing.
It was indeed a precious lesson to me.
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