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Letting go made easier....with a movie

The last time I let go, was after I watched 'The Phantom of the Opera - The Movie'.  Though the movie was in some ways quite touching, especially the part where the phantom was to separate with Christine, I cried.  It was not a teary movie, but I cried and in my heart, I cried even louder and harder.  

In a way, it was a complete let go.  Watching the movie closed a huge chapter in my life.  The Phantom of the Opera was the thing that triggered our interests together.  She introduced it to me and recorded all the songs in a tape cassette for me and handwritten all the lyrics for me to sing along.  She also had the piano pieces and would often played for me to listen.  Besides Barbie Dolls, The Phantom of the Opera brought us closer.  

When she left, I felt a huge gap in my life.  We were still very close by that time but The Phantom of the Opera was a history by then.  She was more interested into congo drums and learned how to sing and wanted so much to make a debut in music.  That was her dream, that never got realised.

I had a feeling that she would have enjoyed watching The Phantom of the Opera with me.  So, in a way, by watching that movie, I felt settled.  All the gaps throughout the years were closed.  It started of our closeness and friendship and it ended by the Phantom leaving Christine.

Grieving was never easy.

Another time I let go, was after Vashi.  That was a huge clearing altogether and so many unanswered questions were answered,  But this letting go was different.  It wasn't grieving or sadness but rather anger and guilt towards myself.  It was a spiritual rehabilitation.  

Few days ago, I watched 'Life of Pi' with my husband.  It was such a beautifully made movie and I love the cinematography of it.  Before the movie started, there were advertisement on the upcoming movies and it was either about war or witches or apocalypse or natural disaster.  And when the movie started, it was such a soothing change from all those movies.  Why can't people make more spiritual movies instead?  Kudos to Ang Lee.  I have always admired you since 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon'.

This movie brought closure to my life as well.  A shorter grieving period.  It told that when we surrender to God, God will then embrace us.  And at difficult times, God is always looking at us and taking good care of us.  Wherever we are.  I believe that.  It may not be God Himself, but through people surrounding you.  God loves us.  

So that's what I did.  I surrender to God through 'Life of Pi'.  I cried when Richard Parker left.  Like how Pi said it, he left unceremoniously and did not looked back to say good bye despite all the hardships they went through.  I guess I cried because that part meant so much.  I didn't know I was holding so much of pain inside me until Pi said he regretted not saying thank you to his parents for their guidance and how he never had the chance to say good bye.  He kept on apologising, 'I am sorry, I am sorry'.  

Well, I am sorry.  Maybe it's better this way.  How you came so suddenly and left unceremoniously and did not even say good bye to us.  I guess you were more detached, just like Richard Parker.  I should be like that too.  Well, it's over now.  

Thank you for this experience though.  It sure makes me re-think the choices in life.  In a way, this is a second chance to mend things.  We were not ready.  And now we have the time and chance to do it better.

God is Great.  



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