Wonderful time in LA

Jai Shri Mataji everyone.

Back from LA for a week now. I truly had a beautiful and wonderful time in LA. Words cannot express how I feel. Before I go into that, I am now starting this blog, thanks to Shri Mataji, because now I can come online after months of not getting internet access in my office. I hope I can update this blog as much as I can, as time permits. This blog will tell about my experiences in Sahaj, my dreams, mostly Sahaj related and meant only for Sahaja Yogis.

Before LA

About 2 weeks before going to LA, Shri Mataji came to my dream. It was a very meaningful dream for me. To cut it short, She told me that I have no courage. Of course, waking up, I felt so excited for dreaming about Shri Mataji, and at the same time feeling a bit down for having to face my courage-less self.

To tell the truth, before going to LA, I do not feel excited at all about the trip. I don't know why. A Sahaji told me that she felt strongly that this trip I must go, so I just thought, OK, let's go. But until the day of the puja, I do not feel excited at all. This is the first time I feel like this. My first international puja, Shri Ganesha puja, Cabella 2001, then Christmas puja, GP 2002, then Birthday puja, Delhi 2003, then last year, Shri Krishna puja and Shri Ganesha puja, New York 2005. All these pujas, I have felt extremely excited and happy to attend. But not this time. I guess after starting this new job, and not having my OT leave approved prior to my trip, has make me felt down about the whole trip. Financially also was not so good.

Back to my dream. For many months, maybe years, I have a problem with courage. More apparently ever since I started this new job. I felt very threatened at work everyday. The whole office environment work on fear, this is the culture practised. Everything is about getting scolded, getting thrashed, for no apparent reason sometimes. Everytime there's a meeting, it is sure about something bad, never good.

My heart felt so tight and closed, ever since I started my new job in February 2006. I have never faced my fear. I just follow the crowd. I have thought also, that I have checked vibrations on this new job, maybe there's something I need to learn here. Several times I checked again whether to leave the job, and it was not cool. So, I stayed on, and feeling stuck and unhappy.

When Shri Mataji told me that I have no courage, I know I have to do something about it. I cannot live in fear day after day. I have to face my worst enemy, my Ego. But I don't know how to do it. So, I just left it and I hope that the 2 pujas will give me some message on how to deal with this. I prayed for an answer.

During LA

When I was in LA, I was make to faced my ego so much. First, I was so reluctant to play the harmonium, for the puja, because I feel I am not good enough and there are many good harmonium players out there. Lat keep pushing me to the extend I felt so unhappy and scared. I was reminded again about my courage.

I was still not excited eventhough I am now in LA. Then one day, Lat told me something that Chris Kyriacou said to her. We are here not because we wanted to, we are here because Shri Mataji has picked us from all over the world and brought us here. Then, I felt maybe Shri Mataji is trying to tell me something.

Then came the marriages, the day before the puja. It was held on the LA ashram grounds. And here, when I was randomly taking photographs before the weddings, I took the following photo:

This photo was taken half and hour before Shri Mataji arrived. And if you see clearly, you can see Shri Mataji in the photo, in red sari. Lights are shining from her eyes. She showed me that She is always there for us, wherever She is and wherever we are. Then later on, we found out that Shri Mataji has arrived, and wearing a red sari. I was just in shocked. So many times, I have wanted to take a miracle photo of Shri Mataji, and it has never come out properly. This time, I didn't even think of taking a miracle photo, and I took one. I felt so touched.

Then came Shri Ganesha puja. The Malaysians were given a chance to perform the Dikir Barat again. This time in front of Shri Mataji and Sir CP. Then after the Dikir Barat, Sir CP said we can sing another bhajan, and we sang Isi Liye. Somehow, before this bhajan, I was pushed right in front of the stage, and everyone was standing up for this bhajan and I was right in front of Shri Mataji. During one line, 'Darshan. Hue Tumhare', I was holding my palms up and looking at Shri Mataji and She looked straight into my eyes, a look which shows me that She knows who am I, She knows everything about me. I didn't know the meaning of that line at first, later found out that it means, I am waiting for Your Darshan, which was so appropriate. The moment that happened, I felt my heart opened, filled with joy and lots of love. I felt we are all Her instrument, no matter what we do, or where we are. So, it doesn't matter whether I play the harmonium or not, whether anyone or myself wants to compare me with another harmonium player, it just doesn't matter. All that matters now, is we are all Shri Mataji's instrument, doing Her work, spreading Her love, spreading Her joy. I felt extremely joyful. Sir CP gave a speech and said we must spread Shri Mataji's love to everyone, give self-realisation to as many as we can.

The joy and love continued to Cottontail Ranch camp, where we spend 4 days in collective, singing bhajans, having havan, doing prayers for the 9 nights. It was very relaxing and good clearing.

Then we went back to the hotel to attend Navaratri puja. This puja, it was a whole different feeling altogether. For Shri Ganesha puja, I felt auspiciousness and innocence. Shri Mataji was like Shri Ganesha. For Navaratri puja, She is a Goddess, no playing or fooling around. No nonsense. She was so majestic on Her throne. She looked so beautiful and radiant.

Words cannot express my feelings. I am extremely thankful for being in LA, able to witness 2 pujas in the physical presence of the Goddess, the Shri Adi Shakti. Sir CP gave another speech and said we must love one another, and not quarrel.

Right after Navaratri puja, I was sick with flu. Fever and running nose. We went to Universal Studio, Las Vegas and Grand Canyon. When I was in Las Vegas, because of the vibrations there, I felt very sick. Then the next day, we went to Grand Canyon, and the fresh air and the vibrations of the place cleared me so much. Immediately the next day, I felt almost 100% recovered.

After LA
I came back and was worried whatever feelings I felt in LA will be lost once I am back to work and back to my family. I prayed to retained all the feelings I had there. When I came back, I felt so surrender, complete contentment and balance in my life. Meditations are so strong, deep and powerful. I really hope I can retained this feeling inside me and not let the negativities swayed me away. Many times I felt being pulled down, feeling lethargic and lazy, then I will try to remember the wonderful times I had in LA. I felt also very lazy to face my professional exams, then I will try to remember to surrender everything to Shri Mataji, verily She is the Doer and Enjoyer.
The main message I received?? : Shri Mataji is omnipresent, She knows each and everyone of us, She loves us all, She is there for us no matter where She is, or where we are. We are all Her instruments, we must spread Her love and joy, we must give self-realisation to everyone. We must not quarrel with one another, especially with another Sahaji. When war is happening right now in the world, we as Sahajis should love one another and change the world by giving self-realisation to others and spread Shri Mataji's love.


sangeeta said…
Hi Yen Chan,

I got tears in my eye when reading your blog. We are so much blessed with Shri Mataji's love. In fact, I did dream of Shri Mataji and I know from experience that she is always with us. So we are so protected such that we should have no worries in hearts.

The miracle photo is so amazing! Mother is telling you the truth by letting you to experience it.

Awaiting for your sharing.

1) you have encouraged me for writing another blog to share with Sahaja Yogis. Open me up!

2) This is my original blog for SY new comers
Yen said…
Hi Gigi,

Thanks for your feedback. Everyone has their own experiences and these experiences helped each individual to ascent.

The reason I started this blog so that I can remember all these wonderful experiences. Everytime people ask me to share, I will not be able to remember. Now, I can.

Love, YC