Nice Accident

Last week, as I was driving to work, I had lots of negative thoughts and worries.  I felt as if a dark cloud over my head.  Felt helpless, stuck-and-wanting-to-get-out-but-can't that kind of feeling.   It was a depressing kind a feeling.  I was also feeling that something bad was going to happen.

Suddenly I woke up from my deep thoughts and told myself to concentrate on the road since there are a lot of new drivers near my work place.  Lo and behold, a student, presumably a relatively new driver, rear-ended my car.

Since she was rushing for class, I told her to go for her class first and we settle later.  We exchanged numbers and left.  My car seems like unscratched.

While waiting for her to contact me, suddenly a yogi sister from another State, WhatsApp-ed me and asked how was I.  I was surprised to receive her message as we haven't seen each other for months and not messaged for more than 2 years.  She told me that she was listening to Mahalakshmi Ashtami and suddenly she thought of me and decided to check on me.  So, I told her about the accident.  She informed me that she had the same thing last month and she was being very nice to the other driver and everything was settled amicably.  So, she told me to be nice even though it's the other driver's fault.  

In fact, I wasn't angry.  Just annoyed because it was a lot of hassle to fix the car, etc.  

Few hours later, the other driver informed me that her father will call me.  I spoke to the father and he was very defensive and rough.  He kept telling me not to blame his daughter and this things happened, etc.  I was calmly telling him that I just want to settle this nicely and fast, hopefully on the same day.  He told me to meet him and he will bring me to his mechanic.

When I went to get the car, I checked on the car boot and found that once opened, it cannot be close.  That was the damage from the accident.  So the whole way from the work place to the workshop, the car boot was bouncing up and down.

This is when I met some super nice people.  First an Indian girl honked me to tell me about the boot.  Next, a Chinese boy purposefully drove next to me and wind down his window to tell me about the boot.  Lastly, a Malay man on the motorcycle, hand-signaled to me about the boot.   

Because of their niceness, I felt the gloomy morning was suddenly lifted and bright clouds in the sky.  

When I met the father, he was still the kind of rough and tough guy.  When at the mechanic, he informed the mechanic that I was just acting as I tied the boot up when I was home before going to the mechanic to prevent the boot from bouncing.

But I was determine to settle it amicably, without getting angry, without quarrel or disagreements.  Slowly he toned down  and was explaining to me that these things happened.  And I told him I can completely understand how it can happen.  I was also once in this kind of accident where I rear-ended someone and the damage was much more than this.  So I told him that I can understand his daughter is just a new driver, etc, etc.

Long story short, car was fixed and everything was settled within the same day.  Moral of the story is never have negative thoughts when driving.

That said, every time I see an accident case, it always ends up in quarrel and disagreements with each party blaming the other and have to wait for the police to settle it.  I didn't want it to be like that because being angry and quarreling takes up a lot of energy and gives negative energy instead.  I just want accidents to be settle amicably and reasonably without anyone having to scream and shout at each other, especially when it is a small accident.

Few weeks back, I witness this incident.

I was at the mall with my girl and we were at the car park, getting into the car.  The car parks were full and right in front of our car was Car A, waiting for Car B to vacate the space.  However Car C didn't noticed Car A have been waiting and the moment Car B leaves, Car C quickly moves in to park.  Car A started honking at Car C and showing the reverse sign that Car A wanted to park.  After  few minutes, Car C gave up on the spot and drove right next to Car A, wind down the window and scolded the driver.  

I was just waiting to leave the car park when all this happen.  I wanted to go to Car C to tell him that I am vacating and he gets a car park.  However, in the midst of his anger and frustrations, he didn't see that I was going into the car.  When I reach him, he quickly sped off.  Sigh.

The thing I wanted to say is, anger can never solve anything.  It just sours relationship and makes everything worse.  Because Car C's driver was so angry, he couldn't see that there is a spot right in front of him.  So, in anger, we always miss opportunities.  

The world is filled with many unhappy and angry people.  In my work place, I am dealing with these people on a daily basis and we have to work according to their moods.  I learned to control my anger and to understand that anger is one of the negativity that can spread to others.  Say someone want to vent their anger on you, you then become unhappy and upset too.  You go to another person and if you are unable to contain yourself, you spread your anger to others too.  That's what I noticed on myself.  When I get upset at work, I go home and spread it on my daughter.  And I am trying to stop myself doing that.

Nowadays, I try to de-stress before I reach home.  Read on the LRT, play a game, listen to nice music, etc.  Best is to go home and footsoak immediately.

So, accidents can be settle without anger.  In anger, we missed opportunities.  Always take a deep breath, count 1-3 before we speak, if we feel angry.  Or do the Stop-Look-Go technique.  Take a step back and see first before react.