There are lots to write and not limited to a certain subject. So, this is going to be a post of all my recent thoughts.
Instincts / Intuition / Sixth Sense
From young, I have a very strong sixth sense. I didn't know what it was until I read about it when I was in my teens. I can't remember much of how my sixth sense worked, but here's one that I can remember:
I was 18 or 19 years old. I was hanging wet clothes to dry on the line in my backyard. Suddenly I was reminded of a friend, John. We hardly meet and not very close. And yet all of a sudden, I thought of him. And seconds later, a red Proton Satria droved by. Then I realised, John drives one. Although that was not John in the car, but to have a sixth sense that something going to happen, weird in all ways, but true.
Many times my sixth sense worked in a strange way, not always bad, not always good but not extreme like some others. There are also many times I have a dejavu. Like for example, I saw something in my dream and it happened in real life, exactly like in the dream. Sometimes it's so useless that I can only see it happened, but nothing to do to change it.
After Sahaj, I thought maybe I am too right-sided to have all these things. But it still happened.
Last Saturday, after leaving the centre, while waiting for a Sahaj brother and hubby to throw rubbish, I was waiting near the car. It was quiet although opposite of a restaurant. I was having my new sling handbag and all of a sudden, I have a very bad feeling.
I had a feeling that I was in danger and that my bag could be snatched easily as I was alone in a quiet and dark place.
They came back and we got into the car and nothing happened, though while trying to take out my sling bag, my mangalsutra came out. So we got home safe and sound.
But when I opened Facebook and Whatsapp, found that one Sahaj brother got slashed and was bleeding profusely. He was trying to protect his wife when the snatch thieves tried to steal her bag, right in front of our centre, just after we left. He punched the snatchers (2 of them on a bike) and one slashed him badly. He was hospitalised and had surgery. The cut was deep but he is fine now.
See, these feelings are real. But there's nothing I could do to change things. It was like useless, sometimes disappointing. Sometimes it's better not to know.
Sometimes I wish they can be useful. Like to know something in the future, say, better luck in the future or financially well, you know what I mean? Then again, that's futuristic.
Year of the my zodiac
So I have been told that this year is not a good year for me. According to my mom, I should wear colors that are good for me and avoid bad luck colors.
According to my this year's Chinese horoscope, the year is indeed not a smooth year. In order to prevent bad things from happening, I was advised to be humble, down-to-earth and not get into a fight with anybody, be patient and well-manners. Even if there are anything that I disagreed, it is better to keep quiet than to raise a point as the outcome will turn out bad. In other words, don't be egoistical. This year is a year that doesn't go well and doesn't side with me. Weird that although it's my zodiac year, it is bad for me.
Since coming to Sahaj, I don't really believe in horoscope so much. But sometimes it'a nice to read. Sometimes it's good to know.
Like for example, isn't it a good idea to be humble, down-to-earth, be patient and all that? That's good moral behaviour and Shri Mataji has spoken so much about it. Positive attitude attracts positive energy.
I do believe that this year is not going to be a smooth year entirely. Maybe influence by the horoscope. Maybe it's my own instincts again.
I find that it's very easy to have people mess up with me. When driving on the road, there are more incidents in which other cars would suddenly come into your way and you have to be really careful and give way to them to avoid accident. When in the office, nothing seems to be going my way and everything is stuck somewhere. When at home, so far walking on eggshells.
So, it's good to be patient. It's good to be well-mannered to all. It's good to be humble. It's good to surrender the ego.
It's probably a year of tests for me, but it's ok. It will be better for my agnya.
Marriage and daily muse
Our marriage hasn't been easy. But it's not because of internal problems. Our relationship is good and getting stronger. It's external, coming from bureaucracy, red tape, opinions, judgments, etc.
Malaysian Immigration is not making things easier for us. Though we manage to get the visa, but it's only for a year.
The latest thing we want to do to make our marriage a truly Malaysian way, is for him to convert his driving license to a Malaysian license. Prior to this, what I understand is that it's a very simple process. But I just read that it's not as easy as I thought. Application is easy but approval may take time and may not be given. We have just started the process of translating the document and coming up visit is to get the endorsement from the China Embassy.
Many things also due to his past conditionings that is making things difficult when we get married. To get past it, need a lot of time and courage and strength and love and encouragement.
Before Sahaj, he led a simple life. He came from a very conditioned family with very old fashion ideas. Being the youngest, he followed whatever the parents told. He thought he will just marry someone at his own city or country and bring her back to his home to live with his family, just like any Chinese men. But a Sahaj marriage is different. He married a Malaysian who can't speak or read or write Mandarin and having grown up in China, his English is poor. Good thing is we both can communicate in Cantonese.
After marriage, I couldn't get a job in China. I found that if you don't know Chinese, accountancy or finance background will not bring you near China. For IT industry, it's OK. But not Finance. You need to know how the Chinese accounting works. Do you know what's a balance sheet or income statement call in China? Do you even know the accountancy laws in China? Tough.
Since I can't get a job in China, we both checked vibes and it was cooler for us to move to Malaysia.
So he migrated to Malaysia, frowned upon by his relatives and friends. But he sacrificed his mundane life to be with me.
He has to learn English from scratch. He has to learn how to drive. For our age, it's not easy to learn something new and for him, coming from a deeply conditioned family, it's not easy to break away from the conditioning.
But he did.
Though our marriage was blessed by Shri Mataji and by Sahaja Yogis, many family and friends don't understand why we ended up together in the first place. Many non-yogis asked me why I chose him as my husband. I replied, "Because he is a good man."
But of course, the struggles are real. He got a job but pays lower than his job in China. But we manages.
Lately, we have a tough luck at fertility. It's something that I never shared, especially here in public. Sometimes I wondered whether we would be parents at all, but the vibes are cool. We received many advises. Yogis told us to surrender to the Divine. Medical professionals told us to eat medication. In the end, I just gave up. Children are a blessing from the Divine. It's up to the realised soul to choose us.
That being said, Sahaj marriage is not always all rainbows and flowers and fragrance and sweetness. Sometimes there are bitterness, sometimes there are storms, sometimes there are torns, sometimes it stinks. But because of all these obstacles, it made the marriage stronger. Just don't give up. And if both of us meditate together and clear together and surrender our hearts to Shri Mataji and Her alone, then things do work out. Spiritually we are one. In fact, Sahaj marriage, made us spiritually stronger.
In this Kali Yuga, the fight is real and very challenging. No joke about this. Whether for yuvas, whether for adults like us, the fight is there. But I have a feeling, a very good feeling that things will fall into place this year. What exactly I do not know, but things are going to be ok.
Jai Shri Mataji!