I remembered the good times I had at Vashi hospital back in 2009. I was there alone, i.e no Malaysians were with me and I made many friends while there. That's where I met my very good sister from Beijing, Teng Lin and we bonded very well since then.
Though I can't honestly say that I had good times all the time while there because it was also a very challenging time. I was made to face myself, like it or not.
But by the time that I was ready to leave, I had such a nice feeling overall and a very special experience on the last day that made me feel like I am on top of the world. I can feel that I was my own spirit, not this body, not this ego, not this mind.
Coming back here I was able to sustain the vibrations and feelings for a while. Say, a month or two. Then I was back to before Vashi. I did want to feel that whole feeling again but was unable to do it. Somehow, I just can't get to it. Not all the time.
Recently after a clearing session with the invited Vashi doctors here in Malaysia, I felt again that feeling at Vashi. It was not lost after all, just forgotten. I was given a set of homework to do and introspection to change myself.
But coming back home, I couldn't sustain that feeling again, I was back to before. I couldn't do all the homework given. Then I found the issue.
When I was in Vashi, we were given a very strict timetable. I was not a very disciplined person, i.e I don't wake up early. I don't have a schedule for myself. I tend to procrastinate rather than do somethings.
But when in Vashi, I was forced to go with the flow. The meditation started sharp at the time proposed. If you are late, you will miss the beginning. It's your lost. Clearing session was also the same. Same with meal times, but if you are late, you will still get to eat.
The first week I was adjusting to the new timetable. I like it when someone dictate my life for me, like how to run it because sometimes I have no idea what to do.
Second week, I was already accustomed to the new timetable and was enjoying how timely everything was. And everything was prepared for us and I felt so pampered. Like we have wake up call at 5am. Meals were all cooked and ready by a certain time. If we need help with laundry, there are some helpers around. Just need to pay them.
So with the rest of the time, I have a lot of chance to clear myself, sleep, rest, walk around the garden, admire the flowers, read, etc. There was no WiFi, so no chance for us to watch YouTube or play online games.
Third week, was the last week I was there. I was ready to leave. Honestly, I think I had enough of being pampered and would like to go back to my routine. While I enjoyed the vibrations there in Vashi, I also started to miss home.
But once home, when I was back to my routine, it was like back to indiscipline. I couldn't get up at 5am although alarm was set. No one meditated with me in the morning or night. So I just didn't feel motivated enough to do all the clearing and homework given.
Besides that, there are mountain of chores to do at home. And then back to work, where 8 hours of my life is spent there. There was simply not enough time for me to sit back and relax and enjoy the garden.
Not only that, I found Indians in India are generally very surrendered in their day-to-day life. But Malaysians tend to overthink things and be very mental.
But that's reality.
We are given a choice. Whether we want to follow that route or not, it's up to us. The choice given to us is of course a good one. But we always have our excuses and rationale to be different or choose not to follow.
Like Shri Mataji gave us so much of advice in so many of Her talks throughout the years from 1970s to 2000s. That's 30 years or advice. But how many of us chose to follow?
We can clear ourselves to no end and yet find ourselves still very caught up without realising that the root problem is right there in front of us and yet we can't see it or chose not to see or feel it.
We can choose to wake up early at 4am to meditate and yet some would give thousand of excuses and said can't do it or that because of GMT or whatever time zone, 4am in India means different time in whichever country. Excuses again.
We can act like we have the best of knowledge, or that we know everything about the Divine but in the end we don't even know ourselves.
Sahaja Yoga is simple and so spontaneous and yet sometimes difficult to be understood completely.
My experience is this: When I wake up at 4am to meditate, I found the meditation is effortless and introspection is better. It's also deeper although only 10 minutes. I also enjoyed the silence, when not even the birds are awake yet. And I find when I start my day with such nice meditation, everything is so well. Even if it is not well that day, I don't react. I felt very at peace and calm throughout the day.
To be honest, I don't wake up every single day at 4am. Because now that I am heavily pregnant, I tend to wake up more at night to pee that I don't have enough of sleep most of the time. I was also told to rest more at this time, because when baby comes, I won't have that luxury.
So I adjust accordingly. Still haven't reach the ideal phase where I can do everything that Shri Mataji told.
But on the mornings that I wake up at 4, it has been amazing. Best is to sleep at 10pm so that you get more sleep. Your body also can sustain. Otherwise, you will be too tired. What more, for us who have to sit in the office 8 hours a day, where we can't even get a short nap, it's challenging but doable.
Just don't feel guilty if you can't manage to do something well. Just do your best but don't give excuses not to do it when you know pretty well it's doable.
It also helps if there is someone willing to do it together with you, like my husband. He feels amazing too with the 4am meditation and now he is the one who wakes me up.
Pregnancy has taught me a lot about spirituality.