Wow, I have disappeared for a month on this blog but for a good reason which I cannot reveal as I feel it is not safe for public exposure yet. Maybe ever.
Because of this condition, I have been very sensitive to vibrations and negativities surrounding me and I feel there's no need for further pressure and stress.
There is one feeling that I felt very strongly that needed a post which is why I came back. Because of the condition that I am having, I feel the need to read positive posts, be it on Facebook or Amruta. Amruta has been a very good source. But not Facebook. And I am talking about Sahaj posts.
I feel (and this is entirely my own feelings) that we are beginning to forget what a Mother's love is. We can be very protective towards Shri Mataji and would do anything to protect Her legacy. But we failed to treat each and other with love. I guess as children, bickering is just very common and normal. But discussion posts has become nothing but slandering other Sahaja Yogis, whether old or new. It's disheartening to read and with my current condition, I can feel the negativity even more.
My new condition is very special. I prefer the company of yogis as I enjoy the joyfulness and jokes with yogis. Non-yogis makes me feel very heavy and I am saying literally heavy. So much so that I feel I am just dragging my feet and sometimes I need to footsoak twice in one meditation sitting.
I just feel we are beginning to lose trust even with yogis. We don't believe each other's words. We think we are always right. And we do things that we think or feel are right because we think we are protecting Shri Mataji's name. We know Shri Mataji loves us and we also loves Shri Mataji very much. But we failed to love each other which also hurts Shri Mataji, no? We treat the authorities with no respect. And we don't believe in every spoken words. Doesn't this hurt our collective too? And what about the world at large?
Maybe I haven't been to international pujas lately. Maybe I have not experience the love and joy that I used to feel. Maybe Facebook is just words that you can't see emotions with it. Maybe the words are strict but there's love behind it. Who knows.
I also feel to forgive each and another has a limit. If the person do it once and we say ok, we will forgive you but don't do it again but if the person keep on repeating the same thing. How do we forgive?
Here's a quote from Shri Mataji's talk on children 1991, "All these things you can watch, but do not try to be strict with them. Best thing is, if they do anything wrong, tell them that “this time I forgive, next time you are not to do that.” But sometimes is it required or sometimes, very sometimes, if they are violent, nasty; because the other day there were two children I don’t know from where they learned they brought two knives to put into somebody’s stomach. Sahaja yogis were sleeping I mean, that’s horrific. Then I said, you can little bit slap them or something, or punish them in a way that children understand that this is wrong, this we should not do."
So, maybe if they keep on repeating the same mistakes, it's time to slap them? I am not talking about children here. Adults with too big of an ego.
I am not sure if I feel so heavy and draggy has anything to do with moving to the new office. The procrastination and all that stuff is making me very restless. You see, we are only moving next week. I have started packing. But there's ongoing work and I feel the need to work in a proper workplace where I can keep all my files in one place and all that. And moreover, the new place is not ready for our move yet. It's just driving me crazy with this roundabout thing.
I just need to start doing something useful and not just sit around and wait.