Did I manage to grab your attention? He he! Today, I want to pay attention to every single action, every single thought, every single word, every single sight, every single hearing. Why the sudden urge? It's because yesterday evening, I felt very irritated and right after that I don't feel good about myself. Then this morning, as I was driving to work, I put Shri Mataji's audio CD talk on Agnya. And when I was at work, I read an article on CNN website about our 'popcorn brain', defined as 'a brain so accustomed to the constant stimulation of electronic multitasking that we're unfit for life offline, where things pop at a much slower pace.'
I love to multitask. I feel bored if I don't. When I am in my room, although I am in front of my laptop, the TV will also be on. Although I am not watching the TV, I can hear what was going on and I don't want to miss out.
When I am watching TV, I have to eat too. I can't just sit and watch.
When I am at work, although I have multiple things to resolve, off and on I will go online to read up the latest news, or check Facebook status, or click to see whether I have any new emails, or check my mobile phone to see if anyone send me SMS. I think I click like a hundred times or maybe a thousand times a day.
I bought many new books, to get receipts for tax deduction. That was last year. Now the books are sitting on my shelves, collecting dust. I have not open them since I bought them. I always find there is no time to read. Now I know. Most of my time went into my laptop and TV.
Weekends are the only time I am looking forward to. Because that is the only time I can do my chores, like clean my room, wash my clothes, do the things I want to do. So, during the weekdays, I will be planning what I will do the coming weekend. Most of the time, the doing didn't materialise as something or the other always crops up.
So far, if you analyse what I have written above, you will find there is no peace in me. I just want to keep on doing things, juggling work and personal life, the more busy I am, the more excited I feel. But it started to affect my health. That was the first time I decide to stop and understand what was happening and relax.
Although I love to multitask, I also love to relax. It's just I don't know how to. To me, relax means sleep. But relaxing could means many more things, like meditate, be at peace, let the brain rest, etc, etc.
How did I become so speedy? Wanting to do so many things at the same time? Wasting my attention on useless things? It goes back to my upbringing and my lifestyle from young.
My mom is also speedy. In many ways, I learn the speediness from her. When I was in primary school, I started attention tuition classes after school. At the age of 10, I learnt to rush home from school, have a quick dinner, rush to tuition, come back from tuition and sleep. This happened 3 times a week. At the beginning, I felt very rush. But towards the end of the year, I was so used to it that when I don't go for tuition, I felt bored because there is no stimulation to get me going.
This speediness happened throughout my high school years, rushing from one tuition to another after school, going for piano classes during the weekend.
It's a habit. It keeps my brain going. Now I really need to slow down because it is affecting my health and spiritual ascent.
After self-realisation, there is always a warning that I am too speedy. The only time I became more relax is when I had a flu. That's when I have to lie down on my bed to read and sleep because looking at the TV or the laptop gives me a headache.
When I had my appendicitis, I spent a few days in the hospital, reading Harry Potter. The appendix was another sign. The surgery made me slow down and relax.
Now I am given another sign. This time the warning is louder. So I should start practising how to slow down and relax.
I noticed that each morning, when I go to work, I don't spend anytime with nature, except while walking from the door to my car, from my car to the office and back. That's the only time I feel the sun on my skin as most of the time I am indoors.
While driving to work, I used to listen to the radio and get very annoyed about what the DJ said and to the songs I listen too. When I switch to listening indian classical music, and it soothes the journey. After some time, I cannot keep on listening to the same music over and over again, so now I am listening to Shri Mataji's audio CD. It's so much better. She comforts my spirit and it's like a message for the day, how I should be and all.
Now, I need to learn to enjoy the nature more. Go out more. Keep the attention steady. Practise, practise, practise.