Letting go

Letting go is not only about the past.  It's also about a grudge.  

Letting go is something which doesn't come easy to me.  I know it does for some people.  

From young, I always held grudges against people whom I feel have been unfair to me.  I can remember every single detail of how a person have scolded me unfairly, talk to me unfairly, humiliated me, do things to hurt me, the list goes on.  I can remember back to my primary school days.  The sad thing is, I don't remember the good things, but bad things I will keep in my memories.  Whenever I feel I have been treated unfairly, there will be conversations in my head as to how to talk back to that person.  In real life, that will not happen because I don't have the nerves to talk back.  So, I pretend to be goody goody.  But inside me, questions and answers will be going on, and anger will be boiling slowly.  The fire won't die easily, that's why I can still remember them vividly.

Back in primary school, I was in Standard 3, my English teacher who is a plump Indian lady was giving me an oral test.  A naughty boy, by the name of Brian was sitting in front of her was making a lot of noise.  My English teacher, Mrs.Kumar, got irritated with him and told him to shut up.  I was trying to help Brian, so I cut her off and I told her, Mrs.Kumar, I am done reading.  She told me to shut up too.  I was so unhappy about the whole scenario and still remember it clearly as if it happened yesterday.  Cannot forgive, cannot forget.

So many instances, minor, petty incidences like this, I still keep them somewhere in my memory.  I don't know for what reason.  But over a course of period, holding all these in me was not helping me.  I was developing my own personality.  Anger became part of my personality.  I didn't realise it until I came to Sahaja Yoga.

After so many years in Sahaja Yoga, the journey still continues.  I learn that ego makes me unable to let go, and reaction makes me angry.  I also learn that people who always want to give others a hard time, people who scolds for no reason, people who wants power, people who wants to rule others are people who are deeply unhappy.  If I continue to be unhappy, I will be one of those mentioned.  Shri Mataji has taught me to let go and to forgive.

Forgiving someone is a tremendous power that only a person with a big heart can do.  I know a person who can do that and hold no grudge.  I really admire her.

Today, it's time to let go of the past and move on.  Let's look forward to a new beginning and open doors to more opportunities.  Let's forgive and forget and let bygones be bygones.  It's the end of the CNY festivals but it's a new year for new hopes, new wishes, new blessings and renew faith.  We have happy and sad memories together.  But somehow it's meant to happen, so here we are saying goodbye.

P/S : I am saying good bye to a place where both happy and sad memories were made there and my backyard.  The lawn and the trees will be gone, opening doors to concrete floors and brick walls.  A bathroom will be over dear Kancil forever.  Sigh...I will definitely miss all of this.  A Chinese saying, if the old things doesn't go, how would the new things come.  So, hopefully new beautiful memories will be made from now on.

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